omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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