im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
