I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
