Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
