I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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