He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
