No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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