My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Pooping to opera.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
