I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
