half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
