You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
