Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
