woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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