she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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