My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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