Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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