Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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