two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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