R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
