he wants to bone in the snuggie
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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