booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
