Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
