The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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