The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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