Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
