its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
