You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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