I just made out with a guy for $7.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
