Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want nice things and good sex
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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