Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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