I wanna bring you to show and tell
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
