somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
