I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
