dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
