If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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