He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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