I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
