i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
