she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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