New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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