It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
