Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
