I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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