i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
