why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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