So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
