$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
