She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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