so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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