btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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