Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
