We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
