Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My ass is underappreciated
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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