we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
