i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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