Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
