Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.

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(212): Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it. http://tfl.nu/q1v1

Replies (67) Good night (3336) Bad night (645)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?

(1-302): View more from Delaware

That's okay, it's all protein anyway.

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(302): Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!? (1-302): That's okay, it's all protein anyway. http://tfl.nu/dhny

Replies (68) Good night (3663) Bad night (857)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

Haha how do you remember that?

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

HOW COULD I FORGET?!

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(717): Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later. (1-717): Haha how do you remember that? (717): HOW COULD I FORGET?! http://tfl.nu/ylr0

Replies (39) Good night (5535) Bad night (826)
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(703): View more from Virginia

He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now

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(703): He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now http://tfl.nu/q7km

Replies (8) Good night (629) Bad night (2513)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick

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(405): The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick http://tfl.nu/0oxs

Replies (12) Good night (1058) Bad night (4079)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know

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(608): I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know http://tfl.nu/g581

Replies (7) Good night (2114) Bad night (955)
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(352): View more from Florida

he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled

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(352): he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled http://tfl.nu/6wmo

Replies (2) Good night (1765) Bad night (698)
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(310): View more from California

I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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(310): I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right. http://tfl.nu/p298

Replies (2) Good night (1927) Bad night (1041)
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(315): View more from New York

3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.

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(315): 3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn. http://tfl.nu/iak3

Replies (8) Good night (2071) Bad night (759)
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(713): View more from Texas

He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.

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(713): He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that. http://tfl.nu/cec8

Replies (6) Good night (697) Bad night (1512)
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(360): View more from Washington

Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.

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(360): Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof. http://tfl.nu/kt4t

Replies (2) Good night (511) Bad night (1846)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.

(307): View more from Wyoming

Except even better, boobs get discounts.

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(307): Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8. (307): Except even better, boobs get discounts. http://tfl.nu/cz7z

Replies (11) Good night (1940) Bad night (471)
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(205): View more from Alabama

...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.

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(205): ...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot. http://tfl.nu/jxup

Replies (8) Good night (1440) Bad night (572)
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(+61): View more from Australia

What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?

(1+61): View more from

Mobile recharge?

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(+61): What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls? (1+61): Mobile recharge? http://tfl.nu/wf5a

Replies (2) Good night (932) Bad night (329)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.

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(337): So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned. http://tfl.nu/3vjy

Replies (1) Good night (705) Bad night (353)

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