were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
