My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.