Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.