There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked