and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.