even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.