Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
