So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
