Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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