i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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