I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
