my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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