Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
