I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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