Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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