Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
