Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
