I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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