dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
