Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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