I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
