He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
