I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize