dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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